Access Weekly JOYFLASH
May 22, 2020
Access Weekly JOYFLASH
June 12, 2020

Pets of Access

We are all doing our part to social distance and stay home during this time, and staying home means more time with our best friends: our pets! We want you to meet some of our honorary Access members. Take a look at the below to get to know our paw-some pets!

Tupac Shapurr

Name: Tupac Shapurr

Species: Cat (occasional rapper)

Favorite food: Bread

Likes: The outdoors, rapping, birds, other cats

Dislikes: Dogs, Biggie Smalls

Favorite song: Any of my own (Hit ‘Em Up if I have to pick one)

Favorite movie: Above the Rim

Favorite TV show: Dave or Tiger King

Contributions to Access: Attacking the dangerous computer charger cord, also making sure Nadav has to get up every 5 minutes to let me in/out.

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? Actor, all rappers want to be actors right?


Bailey Linck

Name: Bailey “Da Muffin” Linck

Species: According to doggy DNA test, 50% Poodle, 25% Dachshunds, 12.5% Gordon Setter and 12.5% crazy

Favorite food: JIF Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter

Likes: Attention and naps.

Dislikes: Baths and listening. When other dogs are getting pet instead of me (rude).

Favorite song: “Gimme More” (Attention) by Britney Spears

Favorite movie: The Grinch with Jim Carrey. Have to admit, I have a huge crush on Max

Favorite TV show: Wishbone

Contributions to Access: I’ve been a regular on team video calls since 2018 when Mom and I moved from California to this place that has awful stuff called “snow.” I’m glad other pets are getting in on the action now during the pandemic, but I’m an OG contributor.

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? I aspire to be a Roomba and have been training my hardest since Mom got me.


Lester and Wembley Freese-Summerlin

Names: Lester and Wembley Freese-Summerlin

Species: Little Brothers

Favorite food: random things on the floor no living thing should eat

Likes: Wembley – fetch, speed-eating, when the dishwasher starts, shoulder rides; Lester – meditation time, biting human knees when hungry

Dislikes: Wembley – times of day when bowl is empty; Lester – Wembley after 9:00 PM

Favorite song: He Ain’t Heavy He’s My Brother

Favorite movie: Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?

Favorite TV show: Band of Brothers

Contributions to Access: minimal, honestly

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? Wembley – culinary anthropologist; Lester – box tester


Gryphon Axelrod-Affeldt

Name: Gryphon Axelrod-Affeldt

Species: Extra giant, extra ferocious TIGER

Favorite food: Muffins, pumpkin pie, bone-in ribeye

Likes: Playing fetch, positioning myself between people and laptop screens, attacking ankles

Dislikes: Being pulled into video conference calls, delays on dinner

Favorite song: The birds chirping in the bush outside the bedroom window

Favorite movie: The birds chirping in the bush outside the bedroom window

Favorite TV show: The birds chirping in the bush outside the bedroom window

Contributions to Access: In addition to working on my daily news flashes, once I added 83 pages to an industry trend analysis and another time I chewed through the cord of a USB mouse in the middle of the workday.

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? Biologist. I love poking bits of meat with my paws, and I have successfully dissected several stuffed toy mice (plus one catnip pumpkin).


Luna Vierra

Name: Luna Blue

Species: half pupperino, half wolfie

Favorite food: BREAD cheese, chimken, steak, the white stuff in puppichinos

Likes: walkies, chasing squirrels, zoomies, bellies, playing with my friends in the park, begging for food, nonna’s house

Dislikes: umbrellas, baths, not getting belly rubs

Favorite song: when my mommy asks “do you wanna go for a walk?”

Favorite movie: The Secret Life of Pets 2

Favorite TV show: Sportscenter

Contributions to Access: boosting morale in the office, hiding under mimi’s desk, and decreasing the treato supply

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? Chef. I love hanging out in the kitchen while my humans cook any meal. Maybe if I can learn how to make the food then my mommy will let me eat it too!


Feliz and Joey Blair

Name: Feliz and Joey

Species: Just a couple of mixed up small dogs with some chihuahua and dachshund thrown in

Favorite food: Carrots, sweet potatoes, salmon and whatever Feliz can steal from Joey

Likes: Tennis balls, rubber squeaky balls and acting bigger than our britches on walks

Dislikes: Getting skunked

Favorite song: I Can’t Stand the Rain

Favorite movie: Really, anything that’s watchable from the couch

Favorite TV show: Animal Planet

Contributions to Access: We stay away from the office – our little gift to the SF staff.

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? Joey – Security Officer.

Feliz – Ball Girl at the U.S. Open


Bowie Mains

Name: Bowie

Species: Husky-Pitbull-Rottweiler-Akita Mix

Favorite food: Crunchy foods including kale stems, raw sweet potatoes and tortilla chips 

Likes: Running, hunting and men 

Dislikes: Vacuums and humans dancing in my presence

Favorite song: Space Oddity

Favorite movie: Milo and Otis 

Favorite TV show: The Twilight Zone

Contributions to Access: Making my mom look like she has an itchy leg problem on video calls, when really she’s just scratching me because I have a fit if she stops. 

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? Magician. I’m very good at silently disappearing from any enclosure and making snacks vanish.


Papa Pig Mains

Name: Papa Pig / Big Pig

Species: Berkshire Pig

Favorite food: Chicken feed, beer grain, veggies….honestly, I’ll try anything once 

Likes: Eating and lady pigs

Dislikes: Anyone getting between him and his ladies

Favorite song: Jump in the Line

Favorite movie: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

Favorite TV show: Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives

Contributions to Access: Assisting with the production of cute piglets to make everyone go “aww”

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? Landscaper, because at over 650lbs, my appetite can make fast work of unwanted plants


G Mains

Name: G

Species: Great Pyrenees/Anatolian Shepherd

Favorite food: Fresh meats 

Likes: Belly rubs, borking and playing

Dislikes: Coyotes

Favorite song: Hey Good Lookin’

Favorite movie: It’s a Wonderful Life

Favorite TV show: Foghorn Leghorn

Contributions to Access: Guarding the chickens who lay the eggs Madeline brings to Access

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? Bank robber, I am responsible 24/7 as I guard hundreds of chickens, goats and sheep, so I often wonder what life as an outlaw would be like.


Mama Goat Mains

Name: Mama Goat (goat in foreground)

Species: Boer Goat

Favorite food: Chicken feed

Likes: Sitting in giant holes and staring out into the void

Dislikes: Surprises

Favorite song: Walkin’ After Midnight

Favorite movie: Men Who Stare at Goats

Favorite TV show: The Great British Bakeoff

Contributions to Access: They’ve yet to really figure out what I get up to

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? Professional busybody, I’m always butting into someone else’s business.


Henry Cook

Name: Henry Cook

Species: German Short Haired Pointer

Favorite food: Bacon, birds, rabbits, squirrels, groundhogs, bees

Likes: Running at the speed of sound, Barking at all things that move, tug a war, going for long walks

Dislikes: his picture being taken!

Favorite song: anything country, henry loves to dance and spin to fun songs

Favorite movie: henry likes to sleep through movies

Favorite TV show: dog show

Contributions to Access: I visit my mom who is always staring at a computer and put my paw on her arm to let her know I am here for her!

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? None I am living my dream job… love my family, run, chase critters, and take care of my little sister


Petunia Cook

Name: Petunia Cook

Species: Doberman/Hound Mix

Favorite food: Strawberries, Carrots, Bacon, CHEESE

Likes: Playing fetch, belly rubs, sleeping

Dislikes: her feet tickled, Henry running and barking, anyone hitting each other, and ANY STRANGER ON HER PROPERTY (her bark is all she has… step towards her and she runs crying)

Favorite song: nope music makes my parents dance and I don’t like goofy shenanagans

Favorite movie: with Henry she likes to sleep through movies on our laps

Favorite TV show: dog show

Contributions to Access: I sleep on a bed next to my mom daily!  When she moves I move!  I make sure she is not bothered so she can get her work done!

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? I am living my dream job as a protector to my family and being loved daily by my family!


Matilda Gotts

Name: Matilda “Jane Lane” Gotts

Species: A cat of the tortoiseshell and white family

Favorite food: Prosciutto/serrano ham

Likes: Being in charge, being brushed, waking people up, cheese

Dislikes: Citrus, whistling, the vacuum, my mortal enemy – water

Favorite song:  Queen Bitch by David Bowie

Favorite movie: Bird videos on YouTubez – love them budgies

Favorite TV show: Game of Thrones – I’m a Sansa

Contributions to Access: I once emergency FaceTimed a coworker at 4am using my toe beans

What’s your alternative “dream” career and why? Opera diva/national intelligence agent/Queen of All – because I’m worth it.

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